she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
