Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
