And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
