How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
