I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
