So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
