She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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