it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
