We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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