hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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