I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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