all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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