I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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