i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
