all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
