I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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