what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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