ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
