Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
