could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
