DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
