talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
