I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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