I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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