just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
