I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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