Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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