god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
