Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize