Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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