Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
