yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can I color on your dick again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
