she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
