The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
