So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There's even glitter on my cock...
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