he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
