Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
