i jhust puked up my retainher.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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