IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
