Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we're making bets on your personal life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
