Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize