I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
