Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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