she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
