You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
