It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
