I accidentally burped into my bong.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
