sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
