Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How external is "for external use only"?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
