I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
