I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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