Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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