yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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