Are we in a gay sports bar?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
