okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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