Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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