If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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