Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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