I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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