oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
