now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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