I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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