I'm going to jail i love you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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