yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
