She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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