I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
