See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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