So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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