That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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