You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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